Sunday, September 03, 2006
{ 11:39 PM }
while everyone is worrying about their ssgt promotion, i'm here trying to think positive. i didnt feel a slightest bit of worried..maybe life is this way. if it pass, then you are lucky, if not, then sorry. that very morning, on saturday, i was very angry, cursing on the way to school. i was wondering, why sohuld i wake up so early and go for a test which i know for sure i will screw. why? this question repeatedly occurred to me. i reached school with a grim outlook and went about doing my things quietly. i almost burst into tears when i was preparing to change into my full uniform. the feeling of self defiance again. i dont feel like talking about the whole ssgt ecperience. let me talk a bit about it then. we stood there from 7.30-9.00 just for a stupid uniform check. and my legs were like on the verge of collapsing. thank god nothing happened. then we went to the parade square for MOI. i was one of the last few to do it and i was suppose to teach besurai. guess what? i made a lot of mistake. ha. anyways..i'm planning to fail. then afte4r this was interview. when i went in, they asked me the recite the pledge. after which they started bomarding me with questions..and when i answered, they thought of some stupid rebuttal. it made me go.."what the hell?" but i could stop my mouth from saying it. their last sentence was,"you go and find out and then tell us in your next interview." it's so obvious that i failed! ok..i failed. amen. the we had written test. after which we went home at about 7. make us waste like almost a day in school for this sure fail test. how funny. and for this whole thing, i only have a word for it-screwed. sunday was a super free day because i only had swimming in the morning. guess what? i had to swim with those kids. like i'm so old..and they are like so young. and i knew what they didnt know already..sigh. what can i do?? just practise. today i was supose to go escape with bi ran, si min, yu qing , cel and mao, but i was down with slight fever and flu, so i couldnt go. yesterday was worse, but today not that bad..althought i'm still a bit of giddy and weak. and later i'm still having piano..but i'm quite sure i can play it because my hands are alright(: hope they enjoy themselves..there's o level music tomorrow. i dont feel like going to school tomorrow..because i hate o level music. it's like i worked and studied for it, yet, i still didnt pass..i'm just aint gifted in music. i was looking through some songs when i came across this group called for my pain. and thier songs are like so nice..just suits me..i mean the lyrics. let me put this song here, dedicated to those who wants to find the meaning of life, but still see the worse of it all.
tomorrow is a closed gate(dead for so long)A broken voice from the broken dreams
My heart is drowning in loveblood
I can't forget your leaving shape
Everyday is like a long walk in the cold rain
I'm bleeding and loosing my grip
Tomorrow is a closed gate
I have been dead for so long
And no one's gonna shed a tear
I have been dead for so long
And no one seems to care
Sometimes I really hate people close to me
They want to see my reaction
That I don't want to give
Sometimes I really want to be just
Without any kind of Torturing stress
I wrote it in the dead air, I wrote it in the shape of despair
I see the silence in the stranger's smiles
They don't care
Memories in the screams of the gate, my past slowly fades
Questions are stones on my way
I'm still walking anyway